Coming Out

In my late 30s and early 40 years old I experienced very clear and several recurring dreams. They were intense and felt real - not to be mistaken as surreal - it was as if it were actually happening again. There was an extremely deep sensation at my sides, that I could not stop on my own. Concurrent was this freakish sound like a scream coming from the outside of my dark cave, which I interpreted as a witch's mad laugh or cry. Finally, those thick-sized grabbing things (fingers, or claws) stopped pulling at my sides right when the screaming stopped and suddenly I was loosened to be exposed to such a brightness of which I was unfamiliar. The ordeal left me exhausted. While I wanted to rest I felt this intuition to keep an eye on my surroundings as I was being held by an uncanny familiar being unlike that previous buoyant of comfort. Those moments before the torturous extraction of that mad tickling sensation at my sides that pulled me away from what I now know was my mother's womb.

Lizards and Land

I love reptiles. Particularly lizards. I once caught a darling lizard up in Big Bear and brought it home. I was about 6 years old and wanted to keep as her/him as my pet. As a week passed my mom thought Lizzy (the named I gave her or him) belonged outside somewhere in the wild. Back then, there was a lot of space of nothing but dirt bushes and spare free land. Tumble weeds used to roll down our street many windy days. I loved it. Sometimes I would catch one on an August or September afternoon and turn it into an early Christmas tree the hang bright shiny found objects onto it. Then, later, let it blow on down the road. Tumbling a more sparkling than before I caught it.

Many stray dogs, and cats passed through as well. I would feed them when then stopped by. But every morning when I went to greet my new pet, they were gone. A vagrant feral animal could always get a healthy warm meal from my forts porch.

So, we let Lizzy lose in a field in Lomita near a high school. I was sad and happy at the same time. 

Today I'm mostly sad about the over development of our now called city. I think it was a town back in the early 60s. We used to have wild life like foxes, lizards, huge dragonflies, wild dogs and cats, and frogs, big frogs hopping all over the pace. My mom once saw a nice sized 6 inch or so frog swimming toward her in our swimming pool one afternoon in the late 60s. Unfortunately, we would often find frog pancakes on the street. At first I would just observe the flatten creature and go on my way yet as time went on and I grew a few months older and more compassionate I felt the responsibility to scoop the poor amphibian from the road and toss it in our garage can.

Over development is by far, and I mean, way far too over developed. For what? More money in the developers bank accounts? There is also too much over breeding. Seriously. Look at us. Too much traffic. Too many people. Nowhere to park. Frustration. Mass shootings. Homeless. Insanity. Control people! Control yourselves! I knew this as a child. That's why I NEVER envisioned having a child. In this world? So far, I think I was right. Don't even get get started on lizards!

Love Rocks

I often take pictures with my phone. They're usually abstract looking images of random objects in the light and shadow I see worth shooting, sometimes people, my dog, clouds, etc. I saw this that one of my neighbors put on their garden wall and thought it would be nice to share.

Wealth

I think the Earth's majority needs to start directing wealth into Earth and animals and plants and land and oceans and art and songs and everything beautiful that has nothing to do with a damn dollar.

Letter to a Friend

I'm cool with spiders. No fear of them. I just am not fond of the slowly moving innocent creatures that look slimy. I would probably leave my house if there was a snake in there until someone else fetched it out. Back in the early '90s, I was out in Joshua Tree this one time, out at my girlfriend's mom's desert cabin, out a few yards away making a painting of the cabin and the surrounding desert. Within 20 minutes I hear rattlesnakes coming up near me. So, I gathered up all my paints and everything and headed towards the cabin. What do I see? Two snakes slithering up the corners of the cabin. Both had stripes, one red and white, and the other brown and white. The doors and windows are all well closed, so I'm pretty sure none got in. Freaked me out! That painting never got finishes.
 
OMG, and once, I was driving to the cabin at night. Suzanne was already there. OMG, she was a humdinger. I need to write some short stories about all the girlfriends I've had. My friend Becky called me a weirdo magnet. Suzanne wasn't weird, she was just super wild, mean, and BTW, a great lover. I'm pretty sure I've grown out of it after the most recent, which was the Queen Bee! I loved her so much much. Anyway... you know how the road's in the desert or anywhere unpaved are lower than the surrounding area because it wasn't a road until a bunch of cars used it a bunch of times and made an indented pathway? And, in the center is a slightly higher area where the wheels rarely touch, depending on how straight or not the driver drives down that road. Real rocky too. So, this road was lower than the surrounding desert land by a foot or so. It had just turned past dusk to dark, so I put my headlights on and wtf did I see? A Sidewinder hauling ass across the desert. That snake didn't even dip when it crossed the road in front of me. It was almost a blur it was moving so fast...looked like a ghost. F'n awesome to witness. Or, how the young kids nowadays say, sick! Where the hell did that saying come from? When they see something "sick" it probably blows their mind so much they don't comprehend and put it in the mental illness category, subconsciously. I don't know...just want to make sense out of it. I need to make a motion graphic of that snake sighting that night. Coming soon! After the four other projects, I got going on right now.
 
Now I'm going to climb the ladder to get up on the roof and clean the gutters full of leaves. 

I think I have something, like a whole slew, in common with someone I met when I was 14 years old. We didn't stay in touch. 

One day in January 2021 late afternoon my cousin Dotty text messaged me informing me she received an email from one of our childhood friends and wanted me to guess who. It took me less than a minute to guess. Since my cousin and I were 3 years apart, and she had her friends but I really didn't consider myself their friend too. And, I was pretty much into my photography, my typewriter, and not gregarious, in the least, until in high school when Kathy Howard noticed me when I was wearing my homemade t-shirt which I had painted The Rocky Horror Picture, just like the movie's title, with the dripping bloody letters. I will save that for another blog story. 

It had to be Johnny Williams. The younger brother of the young woman who lived next door to me. Back in our childhood, I had a little crush on Johnny. Johnny had a crush on my cousin Dotty. Dotty already had a boyfriend. Secretly, I had a hard girl crush on Johnny's oldest sister Pat, who lived next door. I was tortured every minute of the day for as long as she lived there, with her husband, and adorable four-year-old boy, Mark. Totally and completely another blog story. Possibly a short story.

The reason for this text is so I can post my picture, taken yesterday. That's my tripping on the old days back in 1973/4 look.

 

S for sink

 Click: https://vimeo.com/418210280

S-only from Kat Joy on Vimeo.